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I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,
"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,
"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"
Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”
The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said: "Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”
Stormy was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?”
"Sorry, Stormy," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."
He is a small arms dealer
...with a pair of torn pants.
Euripides? Asked the tailor.
Eumenides? Replied the man.
She starts to fit into your wife's clothes.
It was quite the shindig.
They did unspeakable things to me.
I said, "It's the spider."
She said, "I don't know it."
"Well," I said, "it's when I stand in a corner of the room and you scream naughty things at me."
Apparently "in 4K ultra high definition" was not the right answer.
Single-handedly.
Good food but bad atmosphere
Might feel good an all, but once you look down you realize...... You're gay
Olive Garden: when you’re here, you’re family.
He now produces his own beets
The English improved on the invention by taking the intestines out of the sheep before using them.
They might come in handy.
So I did. She’s 24 and her name is Heather.
A man was leaving a cafe when he noticed an unusual funeral. A funeral Coffin was followed by a second one. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line. The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?" The man replied, "That first coffin is for my wife." "What happened to her?" "My dog attacked and killed her." "Well, who is in the second coffin?" My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also." A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the man asks in excitement, "Can I borrow the dog?" The man replied, "Join the queue.
Dad replied: "Well son, do you see those 2 yellow cars over there? An alcoholic would see 4"
The son responded: "But dad, I can only see 1 car"
, the mother notices that the kid looks different.
So, she decided to do a DNA test.
The results come out, and show that the child isn't theirs.
She tells her husband, "I have some terrible news, dear. This is not our baby!". The husband replies, "yes, do you not remember?
When we were about to leave the hospital, you noticed that the baby had wet it's daipers and told me 'honey, go change the baby' ".
They killed my chances of ever getting laid.
When I was child he asked, "How old are you now son?"
"I'm 5."
He replied, "When I was your age I was 6."
Netflix has released a brand new trailer from their upcoming comedy, Father of the Year, a new original film starring David Spade. Check out the Father of the Year trailer in the gallery below along with the official poster and first photos!
RELATED: Netflix July 2018 Movie and TV Titles Announced
When a drunken debate between two recent college graduates about whose father would win in a fight is taken seriously by their idiot dads, jobs are lost, relationships ruined, futures destroyed, and best friends come of age as they come to grips with who their fathers really are.
The film stars Spade (The Do-Over), Nat Faxon (Tammy), Joey Bragg (Liv and Maddie), Matt Shively (The Real O’Neals), and Bridgit Mendler (Nashville). Spade is no stranger to working with Netflix having previously appeared in the original movies Sandy Wexler and The Ridiculous 6, plus the TV series Love and Lady Dynamite.
RELATED: Production Begins on Netflix’s Murder Mystery
Father of the Year hits Netflix on July 20. It marks the fifth original film as part of the streaming service’s collaboration with Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison production company.
RELATED NETFLIX STORIES:
– Netflix Set To Adapt Midnight’s Children Into Series
– Disenchantment Trailer: Matt Groening’s Animated Fantasy Series
– Mark Wahlberg & Peter Berg Adapting Wonderland for Netflix
The post Father of the Year Trailer: David Spade Stars in Netflix Original appeared first on ComingSoon.net.
The Hollywood Reporter brings word that Amazon has ordered three YA (Young Adult) drama pilots as part of their effort to expand their YA selection. Jennifer Salke, the new head of Amazon Studios, had previously stated that the YA genre was one of her top priorities when she took on her new role. Now she has approved the pilot order of College, Panic, and The Wilds. You can read more information about the three YA series below.
Created by Marja-Lewis Ryan, College digs beyond the headlines that make college campuses ripe for drama and steps inside the shoes of six roommates as they hook up, mess up and grow up on their own terms. Producers Channing Tatum and Jill Soloway (Transparent) bring style and relevance to this unabashed peek into the lives of the next generation.
College is a joint production between Free Association and Topple Productions, with Tatum (6 Balloons), Soloway, Reid Carolin (6 Balloons), Andrea Sperling (Transparent) and Peter Kiernan (6 Balloons) as executive producers. The project falls under Soloway’s overall deal with Amazon Studios and comes as the showrunner is mulling the future of Transparent without fired star Jeffrey Tambor.
Based on Lauren Oliver’s New York Times best-selling novel, Panic brings viewers to a forgotten rural town where every year the graduating seniors risk their lives in an illegal, high-stakes game to win life-changing money — and a chance to escape. Anonymous judges force the players through a series of challenges that will compel them to confront their deepest fears and upend their ideas of who they are, who to trust and who they might become. This year, 47 players will compete for the biggest pot ever. All of them will be changed. Only one will win.
Panic is written and created by Oliver, executive produced by Joe Roth and Jeff Kirschenbaum of Roth Kirschenbaum Films (Maleficent 2) with Alyssa Altman serving as co-executive producer. Oliver will also be executive producing and Lynley Bird co-executive producing both for Glasstown Entertainment, and Elle Triedman (Siren, Revenge) also executive producing.
The Wilds follows a group of teenage girls from radically different backgrounds find themselves stranded on a remote island, unaware that they have just become the subjects of an elaborate social experiment. Part survival drama, part dystopic slumber party, The Wilds explores the past and present struggles of these young women, offering a vivid portrayal of what it means to grow up female in our time — whether you are lost in the wilderness or not.
The Wilds is a co-production with ABC Signature and is written and executive produced by Sarah Streicher and executive produced by Jamie Tarses’ Fanfare and Dylan Clark Productions.
The post Amazon Orders 3 YA Pilots Including College, Panic, and The Wilds appeared first on ComingSoon.net.
Michael Moore has announced on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert the release date for his upcoming hot button documentary Fahrenheit 11/9, which focuses on the 2016 United States presidential election and the subsequent presidency of Donald Trump. The Fahrenheit 11/9 release date is September 21, which corresponds with the release of the Jack Black horror/fantasy The House with a Clock in Its Walls, the Oscar Isaac drama Life Itself, the indie crime thriller Assassination Nation and and the Keira Knightley biopic Colette.
Given that Moore’s 2004 documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 grossed over $222 million dollars, a release date in the height of election season with no major franchise tentpoles could give the film a major shot at finding a wide audience. Check out the video from the Colbert interview below, which includes a short clip from the movie featuring Moore at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Club.
Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 11/9 is a provocative and comedic look at the times in which we live. It will explore the two most important questions of the Trump Era: How the f**k did we get here, and how the f**k do we get out? It’s the film to see before it’s too late.
Moore, an Academy Award-winning director, is helming the film. The “11/9” in the title refers to the day Donald Trump was declared President of the United States, at 2:29AM in the morning of November 9th, 2016. But months before that infamous night, Moore had already begun ruminating on what could be done to stop the, according to him, “carnage Trump would inflict while president.” In June of 2016, Michael Moore famously and publicly predicted that Trump would indeed win the White House in November by winning the states of Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania. Trump won the presidency by just 77,000 combined votes from those three states.
Fahrenheit 11/9 will be presented with the mix of outrage and mischievous humor that has made Moore the most successful documentary filmmaker in the world. To make the Trump documentary, Moore has reunited with his acclaimed team from Fahrenheit 9/11 — Oscar-nominated documentary directors/producers Meghan O’Hara, Tia Lessin and Carl Deal.
Filming on Moore’s new Trump documentary has been done under a strict cloak of secrecy. “No matter what you throw at him, it hasn’t worked,” says Moore. “No matter what is revealed, he remains standing. Facts, reality, brains cannot defeat him. Even when he commits a self-inflicted wound, he gets up the next morning and keeps going and tweeting… That all ends with this movie.”
How do you feel about a Michael Moore-helmed Donald Trump documentary? Will you check out Fahrenheit 11/9 in theaters? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
The post Fahrenheit 11/9 Release Date Revealed by Michael Moore appeared first on ComingSoon.net.
Your favorite underground mutant group is coming back this fall. FOX has set the fall premiere date for The Gifted season 2, bringing back the X-Men spin-off series on Tuesday, September 25. Along with the premiere date, FOX has released some new psychedelic character posters which you can check out below! Season two has already seen some new additions and is expected to have a trailer shown during their panel at San Diego Comic-Con.
Details for the second season of the popular X-Men show have been shrouded in secrecy but what is for certain is the Mutant Underground is divided and everyone must deal with the aftermath of the season finale. New characters have been added and even creator/showrunner Matt Nix has also hinted at the Morlocks appearing in the show.
Produced in association with Marvel Television, and set in the “X-Men” universe, family adventure series The Gifted tells the emotional story of a suburban couple whose ordinary lives are rocked by the sudden discovery that their teenage children possess mutant powers. Forced to go on the run from a hostile government, the family seeks help from an underground network of mutants and must fight to survive.
Stephen Moyer leads the cast of The Gifted as Reed Strucker and is joined by Amy Acker as Caitlin Strucker, Sean Teale as Eclipse/Marcos Diaz, Jamie Chung as Blink/Clarice Fong aka Clarice Ferguson, Coby Bell as Jace Turner, Emma Dumont as Polaris/Lorna Dane, Blair Redford as Thunderbird/John Proudstar, Natalie Alyn Lind as Lauren Strucker, and Percy Hynes White as Andy Strucker.
The Gifted is produced by 20th Century Fox Television in association with Marvel Television. Matt Nix (Burn Notice), Bryan Singer (the X-Men franchise), Lauren Shuler Donner (X-Men: Apocalypse, X-Men: Days of Future Past), Simon Kinberg (X-Men: Apocalypse, X-Men: Days of Future Past) and Marvel’s Jeph Loeb and Jim Chory serve as executive producers.
The post FOX Sets Premiere Date for The Gifted Season 2 appeared first on ComingSoon.net.