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Home » Jokes: Get Your Funny On! » I hate it when people ask where I see myself in 2 years

I hate it when people ask where I see myself in 2 years

October 07, 2018No comments

I don’t have 2020 vision for gods sakes quit asking me

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A man enters a sexy lingerie store to purchase a transparent negligee for his wife.
This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!"
A farmer's wife is making breakfast for her husband...
I got drunk and drew up a graph showing all of the relationships I've ever had.

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JEE exams: 'Conducting these exams will be a giant mistake'
Jejoen Bontinck: I escaped a life of Islamic terror - now I rap about it
Jeyaraj and Benicks: Why was a viral video on custodial deaths taken down?
Joe Biden assault claim: What does 'believe women' mean now?
Joe Biden: Where does the US presidential hopeful stand on key issues?
Joe Montana: American football legend saves grandchild from kidnapping attempt
Jogging when you're black - the calculations you have to make
John Bolton: Criminal inquiry opened into explosive memoir
John Bolton: Trump administration sues to block book
John Nzenze: The founder of 'Africa's best band'
Jokes By Kids
Jokes of the day
Jokes: Get Your Funny On!
Jon Stewart: 'There will always be room for political satire'
Juneteenth: 'This is such a change in history'
Kaesong liaison office: What does North Korea want?
Kamala
Kangana Ranaut: The star taking on Bollywood
Kashmir and Modi's friend all on ballot in US election
Kashmir's open-air classes offer stunning solution to lockdown
Kathy Sullivan: The woman who's made history in sea and space
Katie Mack: 'Knowing how the universe will end is freeing'
Kazuyoshi Miura: A professional footballer at 53 - how he does it
Keedron Bryant: Warner Records signs black protest singer
Kenya: Police brutality in the battle against coronavirus in Mathare
killing 21
King of Staten Island: 'There's comedy in the most difficult situations'
Kylie Moore-Gilbert: Lecturer jailed in Iran 'moved to remote prison'
Lagos Inferno: The blast that destroyed a Nigerian girl's school
Lampedusa: Migrant with coronavirus gives birth in helicopter
Last of Us Part II: Is this the most accessible game ever?
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Latin American Foto Festival: Culture and coronavirus
Legacy of Kenyan clan 'branded evil' by colonialists
Leopold II: Belgium 'wakes up' to its bloody colonial past
Lesbos: What really happened in the refugee camp destroyed by flames?
Lessons from Asia's new virus spikes
Letter from Africa: 'How I helped put Gambians on Google Maps'
Letter from Africa: Behind Ghana and Nigeria's love-hate affair
Letter from Africa: How African generosity dried a crying teacher's tears
Letter from Africa: How African generosity dried a teacher's tears
Letter from Africa: Spare a thought for stranded migrants
Letter from Africa: Why journalists in Nigeria feel under attack
Letter from Africa: Why Kenyans are no longer cheering their constitution
Letter from Africa: Why Nigerians are muting their mothers on WhatsApp
LGBT: Covid-19 forced me back home where I'm 'unwanted'
Li Wenliang: 'Wailing Wall' for China's virus whistleblowing doctor
Li Zhensheng: Photographer of China's cultural revolution
LinkedIn co-founder reveals key secret to success
Lupe Fiasco: America's influence in the world is 'dwindling'
Lyft and Uber receive reprieve in California employment rights row
Magawa the mine-detecting rat wins PDSA Gold Medal
Mahmoud Dicko: Mali imam challenges President Keïta
Malcolm X and Kwame Nkrumah’s daughters discuss racial justice
Mali president and PM arrested by mutinying soldiers in apparent coup attempt
Mali: Five factors that made the coup more likely
Maliwawa Figures: Ancient Aboriginal art 'unlike anything seen before'
March on Washington: Protesters reflect on the significance of the march this year
Mario Kart Live: Mixed-reality karts race around the home
Masks made mandatory outdoors across Italy
Mauritius oil spill: 'We want to protect our island'
Mauritius oil spill: Are major incidents less frequent?
Melbourne lockdown: Cycling trend ‘burbing’ takes off under tight restrictions
Mennel: 'I thought about giving up music'
Met Gala challenge paper dress goes viral
Microsoft Flight Simulator: The entire world in a game
Migrant crisis: Rescue boat baby five years on
Migrant rescue: Dozens evacuated from overloaded Banksy ship
Migrants on Lesbos: 'Europe does not exist. This is hell'
Mishal Husain: My grandfather’s war
MLK
Moments of joy between mothers and children in prison
Moon bears: Korean campaigners call for farm closures
Moria migrants protest in front of burnt-out camp
Moscow more than doubles city's Covid-19 death toll
Mount Rushmore: Trump to host 4 July event despite virus concerns
Mourning migrant workers killed in Beirut blast
Mozambique: Why did these men shoot a naked woman dead?
Mozambique's jihadists and the 'curse' of gas and rubies
Mumbi collapse: The man who filmed his ordeal under rubble
MV Wakashio: Ship aground off Mauritius begins leaking oil
My fake news whodunnit: Caught up in a Senegal fake news scam
My search for novelist Rumer Godden's famed French summer
My sexuality is not a sickness
Nagorno-Karabakh: The Armenian-Azeri 'information wars'
Nagorno-Karabakh: The three-year-old orphaned by war
Nasa Mars rover: How Perseverance will hunt for signs of past life
Nasa SpaceX crew return: Astronauts set for ocean splashdown
National People's Congress: China's parliament meets for post-virus show of strength
Navajo Nation: The people battling America's worst coronavirus outbreak
Navalny poisoning: Kremlin critic recalls near-death Novichok torment
Netanyahu focus of Israeli protests against 'the king'
New Zealand election: Jacinda Ardern's key leadership moments
News
Nigeria protests: The misinformation circulating online
Nigeria: 11-year old dancer challenges ballet stereotypes
Nigeria's opportunity for return of Benin Bronzes
Nigeria's slave descendants prevented from marrying who they want
Nigeria's Yoruba women announce their arrival in style
Nigerians' double blow: Currency woes and Covid-19
Nile dam dispute: Ethiopia
Nile dam row: Egypt fumes as Ethiopia celebrates
Nile dam row: Ethiopia's pop stars hit out
North Korea propaganda: New faces but old messages
now I design biking gear'
NYPD officer charged with spying for China
NYT
obstacle courses and hate mail
Ocean-sieving expedition reveals huge amounts of microplastic in the Atlantic
Olof Palme: Who killed Sweden's prime minister?
One every eight minutes: India's missing children
One family
Oneindia.in - thatsHindi
Onions
Online child abuse rising during lockdown warn police
Outrage as Indian judge calls alleged rape victim 'unbecoming'
Pakistan news
Panorama investigation: The detainees held 'hostage' in Iran
Paris police step up anti-noise patrols
Paris: 'World’s largest urban rooftop farm' in progress
Philippines: Environmentalists criticise artificial beach in Manila Bay
Photography award winners show the fragility and beauty of mangrove forests
Phyllis Omido: The woman who won $12m fighting lead battery poisoners
please make men share housework!'
PM Morrison says
PMC Bank collapse: 'We lost our money and then our son'
Poland election: The fight for LGBT rights
Poland's clash of values in presidential election
Police clash with anti-racism protesters as 15
police warn
Polio campaigners battle misinformation and distrust
Portland protests: Trump threatens to send officers to more US cities
Portraits of Humanity shortlist revealed
Portugal finally recognises consul who saved thousands from Holocaust
poverty and crime?
Prague Catholic statue torn down by mob rises again
Prashant Bhushan: India finds an unlikely hero in lawyer-activist
Pre-colonial communities’ history of gender fluidity
Preventing a plague: fighting Kenya's locusts
Prince Andrew 'falsely portraying himself as willing'
Prominent women attacked as Afghanistan eyes peace
Q&A: What is GolfGate and why is it causing Ireland problems?
QAnon
Quiz of the Week: What did the crew name their spaceship?
racism and Star Wars
Racism in Russia: Stories of prejudice
Rafik Hariri tribunal: Verdict due over assassination of Lebanon ex-PM
Recovering from Covid-19: 'I can't get the images out of my head'
red wine': The meaning of African election symbols
Reeta Chakrabarti: My Forgotten Army family ties
Remote working: How cities might change if we worked from home more
Reopening US schools 'makes our kids guinea pigs'
report says
Republican National Convention: What is happening this year?
Republicans introduce $1tn pandemic recovery plan
Republicans snatch rare prize of California seat
Rethink: Pope Francis warns poor have become part of landscape
Rise in far-right threats against Justin Trudeau
Rising Phoenix: Paralympics documentary 'will make you angry and upset'
Rising water levels in Kenya's Great Rift Valley threaten jobs and wildlife
Rival powers jockey for the lead in hypersonic aircraft
Robert Fuller: Hanging death of black man ruled suicide
Robots go their own way deep in the ocean
Rock climbing when you're blind
Rohingya crisis: Growing up in the world's largest refugee camp
Rohingya refugee crisis: 'The bodies were thrown out of the boat'
Romanian tourists swamp village loved by Prince Charles
Rouaa’s story: From Syrian refugee to UK schoolgirl
Rowley Shoals: The bleached Australian reef and a Covid challenge
Russia and Turkey risk turning Libya into another Syria
Russia holds World War Two victory parade in coronavirus shadow
Russia reforms: Will Putin rule Russia forever?
Russian cleaner sweeps to power in surprise village vote
Russian parade defies pandemic as Putin stages power bid
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: US Supreme Court judge dies of cancer aged 87
Rwanda genocide: 'I am a mother - I killed some children's parents'
Rwandan genocide orphan's 'miracle' WhatsApp reunion
Safaris go virtual as coronavirus hits tourism
Samuel Paty: Beheading of teacher deepens divisions over France's secular identity
Saudi Arabia: Just how deep are its troubles?
Saving India's traditional rice varieties
Saving one of the world's rarest antelope
Say Her Name: 'Black women are killed by police too'
say young activists
says 'I think I'm doing very well'
says Italian grandad
says official
says Russian spy chief
Scientists create a microscopic robot that ‘walks’
ScreenRant - Feed
Sculptor in Nigeria creates black prosthetic hand for his brother
Searching for the lost dogs of the Beirut blast
Seaweed: The food and fuel of the future?
Serbia election: Vote in EU candidate state scorned as sham
Shattering Korea’s cement ceiling
Ship with no crew to sail across the Atlantic
Should I get a flu jab this winter?
Siberia climate change: Behind the scenes reporting from Yakutia
Siberia landscape scarred by climate change
Singapore election: Does the political shake-up change anything?
Singapore rolls out Covid tracing tokens
Singapore: The mums asking suicidal teens to 'please stay'
six months after pandemic declared
Sky is the limit for Pakistan's metal artist
social media is changing
Socially-distanced Sesame Street calms children's Covid fears
Somalia's coronavirus khat bans leaves chewers in a stew
South Africa: Is 'black tax' help or a burden?
South Africa’s battle to protect women against violence
South Africa's coronavirus lockdown: Doubts creep in
South Asian anti-black racism: 'We don't marry black people'
SpaceX launch: Nasa astronauts blast off to the International Space Station
SpaceX: Nasa crew describe rumbles and jolts of return to Earth
Spain quarantine rules: The businesses fearing for their futures
Spain's monarchy shaken by Juan Carlos's hidden Swiss fortune
Sprinter's '200m world record' ruled 15m short
St Louis couple charged for pointing guns at protesters
Stalled vaccine programmes 'put children's lives at risk'
Still ill with coronavirus six months later: 'I have no idea how to get better'
Storm Eta: Around 150 feared dead in Guatemala
Street traders losing 'right to shade' under trees
Sudan banned FGM - what happens next?
Sudan khalwas: Undercover in the schools that chain boys
Sushant Singh Rajput: Rhea Chakraborty on 'media trial' after Bollywood star's death
Suspension of a US professor sparks debate over a Chinese word
Syrian refugees left feeling helpless - again - by Beirut blast
Taika Waititi on charity
Tanzania President John Magufuli: The man who 'banned' coronavirus
Tanzania's Magufuli - taking on coronavirus and imperialism
Tanzania's Tundu Lissu: Surviving an assassination attempt to run for president
Tea
Ten countries kept out Covid. But did they win?
Thailand protests: 'My father is blinded by his love for the monarchy'
Thailand: Elephants on 'great migration' to survive coronavirus starvation
The 'real' threat to Russia’s former doping mastermind
The 'weird signs' that led Chadwick Boseman to Black Panther
the 'Wuhan of the West'
The 100-year wound that Hungary cannot forget
The activist trying to save India's tortured elephants
The Australian family that travels 1
The bilbies ‘thriving’ after a 100-year absence in New South Wales
The black-owned coffee firm that became a bestseller
The blogger who hit back against a hammer-wielding Russian ‘assassin’
The children of Korean War prisoners who never came home
The coal-pots fuelling Antigua's ghost stories and folk tales
The coronavirus conundrum when your mouth is your ‘hand’
The couple blamed for an Islamic State attack on their wedding
The faded beauty of abandoned cars
The fiery Indian student who ran a secret radio station for independence
The fight to 'free' the Aboriginal flag
The films to look out for at the We Are One festival
The friends who drove a bus behind the Iron Curtain
The frustration of trying to invest in my hometown
The German lake house that saw history up close
The German medical students who want to learn about abortion
The girl who picked up an AK47 to defend her family
The Grand Old Man of India who became Britain's first Asian MP
The gravedigger’s truth: Hidden coronavirus deaths
The influencers trampling nature - and the man who's trying to stop them
The Iranian immigrant who conquered online video tech
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The king
The last meals of US prisoners on death row
The little lights now packing a deadly punch
The man who bought 60
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The middle-css Pakistani students fighting for a homeland dream
The millions being made from cardboard theft
The Mongolian Rooney
The New Zealand porn ad designed to protect children
The Nigerian filmmakers risking jail with lesbian movie Ife
The orphans of Angola's secret massacre seek the truth
The pandemic is fuelling a surfing boom - in Ohio corn country
The place in North America with no Covid-19 cases
The plant being promoted as a herbal tonic
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The Simpsons: The black actor hoping his impressions get him a job
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The South Korean protester living in the sky
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The sweet smell of success: How Bulgaria took the lead in lavender
The tale of Algeria's stolen cannon and France's cockerel
the thief
The two students who took on Coke and Pepsi
The virus hunter who got Covid
The woman forced to flee her country for rapping.
The woman leading the first Arab interplanetary mission
The woman who wants to make kids better with money
The women behind one of Gucci's most-liked Insta posts
The women who can't get an abortion in lockdown
the Yahoo boys and my friend Beth
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then who will?'
they’ll kill you for being gay’
threatening southern states
Three generations on the impact of George Floyd's death
Tiger sightings increase in Thai forest
TikTok ban: How did TikTok stay online in the US?
TikTok: How app got caught up in the US-China clash
TikTok: New-found fame for ‘No Fizzy Drink Guy’
TikTok: The story of a social media giant
TikTok: Trump says Oracle deal for video app 'has my blessing'
To Italy with Love: Postcards from a Covid-America
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Toronto officer guilty of assault for blinding black man
Trudeau promises 'ambitious' Canada recovery plan
Trump administration claims Huawei 'backed by Chinese military'
Trump blitzes Midwest
Trump Covid: US president flown to hospital
Trump defends supporters accused in deadly clashes
Trump in hospital: 'We're here to tell him that we love him'
Trump rushed out of news conference amid 'shooting'
Trump says Biden is 'against God and he's against guns'
Trump set to remove Sudan from state sponsors of terrorism list
Trump signs executive order targeting Twitter after fact-checking row
Trump voter: 'These people here are genuine Americans'
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Trump-aged Covid survivors on the president and the pandemic
Trump's doctor: What's behind the confusion and contradiction
Turkey's hidden domestic abuse: A survivor's story
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TV host Jimmy Fallon 'very sorry' for 2000 blackface skit
twice'
Twitter and Google face questions from US senators
Twitter: Major outage affects users around the world
two generations of protest
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United Airlines to trial airport Covid testing
US 2020 Election: Does Joe Biden support defunding the police?
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US airlines lay off thousands of staff as federal relief ends
US coast guard crew have near-miss with shark in Pacific Ocean
US conventions: What happens? And what's different in 2020?
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US Election 2020: Can you trust the polls?
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US election 2020: How to become president
US election 2020: How to spot disinformation
US election 2020: How Trump has changed the world
US Election 2020: Kamala Harris targeted by false conspiracy theories
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US election 2020: What is the electoral college?
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US election: 'All Republicans should marry Democrats'
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US election: Do postal ballots lead to voting fraud?
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US Election: Whoever becomes the next president
US elections 2020: Fact-checking Trump on crime in Democratic-run cities
US film Nomadland triumphs at Venice Film Festival
US holds off on threatened tariff hike in EU Airbus fight
US man jailed for supplying guns used in San Bernardino shootings
us news
US official claims pressure to downplay intelligence reports
US prosecutor claims
US solider accused of planning attack on own unit
US to withdraw visas for foreign students if classes moved fully online
US unrest: Dark-clad thugs on planes and other claims fact-checked
US West Coast fires in maps
Venezuelans brave 'brutal' migrant route made tougher by pandemic
Vienna shooting: Deadly attack in Austria's capital
Viewpoint from Sudan - where black people are called slaves
Viewpoint: What it's like to be an African in the US
Viewpoint: Why Turkey is flexing its muscles abroad
Viktor Tsoi: How a 33-year-old song became an anthem for change in Belarus
Violence and hostility: Inside the French police
VJ Day: A WW2 hero and a reckoning with Japan's past
VJ Day: The forgotten African soldiers of the Burma Campaign
Wanchalearm Satsaksit: The Thai satirist abducted in broad daylight
Want to start cycling to work? Here's how
Warakurna: How an all-Aboriginal police station brought 'huge' change
WE charity scandal - A simple guide to the new crisis for Trudeau
Week in pictures
Week in pictures: 11-17 July 2020
Week in pictures: 17-23 October 2020
Week in pictures: 22-28 August 2020
West Coast fires: How we outran a California wildfire
what does the average school day now look like?
What Europe's cities are doing to handle heatwaves
What exactly is a 'Karen' and where did the meme come from?
What happened when a city disbanded its police force
What is behind the unequal threat of Covid
What is the 'sovereign citizen' movement?
What is Trump's record on environment?
When India hosted China amid 1962 war tension
WHO says
Who will get coronavirus vaccine first
Why AI live fact-checked the 2020 US presidential debates
Why black Americans are more likely to be vegan
Why Covid could remove barriers for women in the car industry
Why do women appear to bear the brunt of ageism at work?
Why firms are speaking out about racism
Why I decided not to watch the video
Why Kenyans are begging their president for freedom
Why Navalny’s team sees Kremlin's hands in attack
Why the French are 'European champions' at abandoning pets
Why the Mauritius oil spill is so serious
Why there are fears that Ethiopia could break up
Why this black drive-in cinema is a big hit
Why this ICU nurse treating Covid patients could be deported
Why Zimbabwean women are being dragged to court accused of lying
Wildfires burn through record area in California as blazes continue to spread
Wildlife scientists examine the great 'human pause'
Will cruise ships return to Venice?
Wilson Jerman: Ex-White House butler dies of coronavirus
WindowSwap: ‘I think we all are explorers in our own ways’
With the ongoing risk of coronavirus
Working from home: 'I'm a bit brainier than he thought I was'
Working from home: The rise of the DIY office
world news
World's deepest octopus captured on camera
World's largest all-electric plane takes flight
Wounds of Dutch history expose deep racial divide
WW2: The nun who saved my life
Yemen war: Tortured for supporting the 'wrong' side
Young skater goes viral performing at Black Lives Matter Plaza
Zimbabwe's Cook Off: How a Netflix romcom was made for $8
Zimbabwe's Cook Off: How an $8
Zuckerberg hits back at Facebook boycott

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